Gliders Among Us

Published September 20, 2013 by Carmen Lamiarum

(Just to note, I’ve added a new sub-section to the blog tab called “Sugars”. Anything pertaining to Ayla and Lucca will be in there, including this blog post.)

About a week ago, I was contemplating some interior design options for my living room. More specifically, debating what I would like to place in front of the three tall windows next to my front door. At that point, they were sans curtains, and had a folded up treadmill and a bin of dog toys in front of them. You’d think after living here over a year and a half, I’d have figured something out by now, but with all the design focus being mostly on the epic man cave…I just hadn’t gotten around to it. So there I was, just a-pondering, when the notion to place a large-ish aquarium there crossed my mind. Hey, I already have Opal the Indestructible Goldfish in my bedroom, so what’s a few more fish, right? From there, I got to thinking, “Well if I’m gonna put a huge glass cage there, maybe now would be the time to knock one more thing off my bucket list, and consider a pet snake instead.” I pretty much went off the deep end at that point. I considered fish, iguanas, snakes, hamsters, and more. This, of course, being mere hours after I (yet again) pleaded with my spouse for a third dog. lol.

I had finally settled on the snake idea, when my bestie popped up on facebook chat. In my manic excitement, I told her what I was thinking about doing. And I mentioned that maybe she could assist me in swaying my partner to let me have a chihuahua for Christmas.

Then she asked me a question that would change everything.

“What about a sugar glider?”

Uh…a what? The term sounded vaguely familiar, but for some reason I just couldn’t form a mental image of a sugar glider. So I made the happy mistake of googling them. What I saw made my stomach do roller coaster flips. There, staring back at me on the screen, was the most beautiful, adorable, fantastical little creature I had ever seen. This charming little grey bundle of sweetness that wasn’t quite a mouse and wasn’t quite a squirrel. I was instantly sold. (Thanks, BFF!)

Of course, my first rational thought after “SQUEEEE!” was “I wonder why these little guys aren’t all over the place…” so I started doing some research. My friend had told me that they’re super friendly, can travel in your pocket with you, and are pretty easy to care for. Good selling points for convincing my spouse. Log that away for later. Then I found the Perfect Pocket Pets website. First link on google, and I read every single word of every single page. It seemed too good to be true. You keep them in a pretty little birdcage (file/new tab/craigslist/for sale/”vintage bird cage”) and feed them this stuff called Glide-R-Gravy and apples. Low maintenance, no smells, friendly toward other animals and kids, etc. They seemed absolutely like a easy and perfect fit for my home!

A little TOO perfect. Something about PPP seemed a little off to me. So I did the smart thing and searched “Perfect Pocket Pets Reviews”. Boy was I in for a shock. Long story short, PPP is a disgusting mill breeder/broker company that often sells sick and dying sugars. They’ll tell you anything to make a profit. A-NY-THING. Fuckers. Moving on.

So I did tons of relentless research all night and learned a lot about sugars. They’re NOT low maintenance at all. In fact, they require near constant attention. Not to mention special diets and restriction from certain materials and chemicals. (No more Febreeze in this house!) By the time my spouse called to let me know he was on his way home, I felt like I had a decent amount of knowledge and a basic understanding of what I was getting myself into. Did I still want one? Nope. I wanted two.

Conversation went like this:

“Hey Baby, how was your night?”

“Slow and boring. You?”

“Um…informative. I’ve been researching all night.”

“What have you been researching?”

“Sugar gliders…*repeats all the info above*…So…can we do that instead of an aquarium?”


(Shit, that was easier than I thought it’d be!)

And so the decision was made: Our menagerie/fur family is about to expand. Where do we go from here?

More to come…


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