I Was A Bad Kid…

Published April 5, 2013 by Carmen Lamiarum

…but I was good at not getting caught.

So I was skimming other blogs just now, and I saw something really interesting. A blog post this girl had made where she typed out excerpts from her childhood journal and then commented on them. Ballsy. Real ballsy. But then again, her journal was about Anne Frank and birthday parties. Still, I couldn’t resist. I ran upstairs to my little hiding place and busted open my box of childhood journals. I use to write a LOT, so I have two or three dozen of them. I picked up the biggest one, and started to read.

I was a terrible little shit when I was younger. I mean…I was kinda gloating to myself before I started reading. “All these years and I remember what my first entry in this journal is about.” (I thought it was about an argument I was having with my then-girlfriend.) Buuut…I was way wrong. In the first ten pages of my journal I:

  • had some lesbian sex
  • got caught smoking at school
  • skipped detention
  • stole from department stores
  • skipped school/snuck off school property
  • dumped my girlfriend immediately post-sex (because I gave her money for smokes and she didn’t buy them…that was the “argument”.)
  • shot my brother with a BB gun
  • stole my mother’s mail
  • forged a report card
  • smoked weed and dropped acid

In only ten pages! And that was in 2001, so I was…*pause to ask someone else to do the math* 15. I was fucking 15?!

Oi, I bet I was a real fun person to be around at 15. hehehe…

I was always under this impression that though I did a few bad things as a teen, I never gave my parents much trouble. But if these ten pages are any reflection on my childhood…I’m really really sorry, Mom and Dad.

So I guess we’ll get on with it. I really wanna try this reflections thing. Since we kinda skimmed over the first ten pages, I’ll just open the book to a random page. Here we go.

August 2nd, 2002 Page 104

“Happy Birthday to me! I’m 16, finally! YAY!!!

Ok, I’m really sorry I haven’t written anything in awhile, but I think you may have noticed by now that there just isn’t much to write about during the summer. But so far, this vacation has been pretty cool. I swim in the pool every day and I’ve been to the beach three times. I have a great tan. I even got a tanning sticker and now I have a butterfly tan line on my back.

You wouldn’t BELIEVE how many hot girls I’ve seen here! It’s crazy! But even though they’re everywhere, I still miss Hannah.

For my birthday dinner, I finally tried lobster for the first time. (tradition: no lobster until your 16th birthday.) After that, we went to this cool ice cream parlor. I got cheesecake ice cream with raspberries, white chocolate chips, and pralines mixed into it.

While I’ve been here, I bought:

1 CD

1 shirt

1 book

1 glasses case

2 tanning stickers

1 cross stitch pattern

Not to mention about a million things I’ve stolen, including a radio and a pack of cigarettes. (BTW, I’ve had three smokes in the past two days. Ahhh! I’m dying!) I’ll list all the stuff I stole when I get back home. I can’t look at it all here.

Oh, guess what? Cameron got a tattoo! He says he got it for me. Isn’t that sweet? It’s a dragon on his leg. Cool, huh? And I got my navel pierced today! It pinched, but it felt great. I really like the pain of piercings I think. I’ll probably get more, but Mom says, “you can’t until you move out!” Whatever. Like if I get my nipples pierced she’s ever going to know about it.

Love,

Maluenda D’Ravyn”

Oh. My. God.

Mom, I never got my nipples pierced. Promise.

Ok, first off…why the fuck was I calling myself Maluenda D’Ravyn? I don’t even know. I don’t remember that. Silliness. Secondly, how I never got caught stealing anything is beyond me. That I DO remember. I used to carry around huge purses everywhere and just steal shit left and right. I remember I once stole like $200 worth of clothing and my brother got busted stealing a bracelet. I was so terrified they were going to search me too, but nope…never got caught. Still, I learned my lesson either way, and I don’t steal things now. Ever. No, really. I don’t. Cause it’s dumb.

This was also during my lesbian phase. I say phase because that’s what it was. I’m bisexual. Always have been, always will be. Even then I knew I was bisexual. But in public I was identifying as a lesbian. It seemed like there was only one person in my high school who could get away with being openly bisexual and not treated like shit for it. So I felt pressure to “pick a side”. While I had very deep feelings for Cameron at the time, Hannah was there in person. So I was a lesbian for a short while. And apparently a very horny lesbian at that. lol. For the record, Hannah was NOT the girl I was breaking up with at the beginning of this blog. That was a totally different girl.

Was I a lesbian slut?

Either way, I really want some ice cream now.

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4 comments on “I Was A Bad Kid…

  • Ha! Isn’t it good to reread some old journals? Thanks for visiting my blog! Btw, things do actually get more interesting once I hit 15 too, I wonder if that’s a formative year. I was like… 12-14 kind of boring. My diaries from 15-20 so much more exciting, they will be posted too at some point. Good to meet you via WordPress!
    Let me comment on lesbian phase really quickly though. I wouldn’t call it a phase. I would say if you’re bi then you were always just in your bisexual phase and at that time more enamored with women since it sometimes just depends on where you’re at in life. I’m bi as well or pansexual (but I honestly hate that word) meaning I would also date trans people.
    Where I live we do not call ourselves slut, just acknowledge that you are a woman with sexual power. You are hella fierce.

  • Those were the days… I still have all the notes you (and everyone else) ever wrote me during that period in a shoebox. Finding relics of much different times a decade later is always kind of surreal, but certainly interesting. πŸ™‚

  • I wish I hadnt burnt all my journals last year now, this really made me chuckle and think about my own teenage times in 2001! Thanks for the smiles ^_^

  • man, those were the days… not that we were that smart in those days or making the best decisions, but how nice it was not to know we were making the wrong decisions/to have such youthful confidence [which we now see as stupidity.haha.]

    I’m glad you were thinking of me even while surrounded by hot other girls. haha. and, I’ve always wondered about how you look back on that stage, being you always told me you were a lesbian back then but have since seemed to have longer/more relationships with men.

    and, I also still have all the notes you (and everyone else) wrote me too in a shoebox [I think still in storage right now]. I think dating you gave me unrealistic expectations for romance, with all of our letters back and forth. Lol. and I do agree with putting the everyone else separate category, since you wrote the majority! πŸ™‚ Though, at some point a few years back I got rid of most of my journals, trying to break new for the future. but I kind of wish I’d kept them now..but some I was just so young in, and my concerns just seemed so stupid. and I was trying to be all about the here and now, I guess, but…now I wish for those memories/exact dates to be clearer again at times.

    and, I further agree with dirteelaundree above– slut is such a mean word to women, “sexually confident” or something equivalent is much nicer terminology.

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