Therapy Today

Published March 29, 2013 by Carmen Lamiarum

So I talked to my therapist about my breakdown. What all did he have to say? Talking in therapy is always so strained for me, because I’m really not a big talker. So by the end of it I’m often overwhelmed with information and left feeling a little on the confused and “fuzzy” side. I wish therapy could be relaxing for me like it is for other people.

Anyway, we ended up attributing my breakdown to the disruption of my normal work schedule. I went to Arkansas for a long weekend, and I didn’t work while I was there. Then for two days after I got back I didn’t work because my spouse took time off to spend with me. Then immediately after that I got sick, so I didn’t work then either. Then was the weekend and I didn’t work that either. After all that time, suddenly jumping straight back into work headfirst proved to be too much for me and I lost it. I don’t know how I could have done things differently to ease back into…actually, yeah I do. I could have worked a couple hours here and there over the weekend. But that thought never occurred to me at the time. (Like really, it’s only coming to me right this second.) So anyway, yeah…I “flooded” myself, and my anxiety and stress got the better of me, making it to where I only got in about three hours of work on Tuesday.

The next thing we discussed was my self worth. I made the mistake of telling my therapist that my job was pretty easy. And he jumped all over that word. I think the realization hit him all at once that because I don’t make the kind of money that my spouse makes, and because I find that my work comes easily to me (when I’m not busy freaking out about it) that I believe my job/work/efforts are less valid and have less worth than his. My therapist said that “easy” is a subtle way to be condescending about the work I do because it implies that I have room to be lazy with it, when that really isn’t the case. I told him that until the end of the day (when I look back at all the work I’ve done) I sometimes do feel lazy because my work doesn’t really feel like work to me. At least not when I’m actively doing it and not stressing over it. Then we spent a few minutes discussing the fact that just because I enjoy my job doesn’t mean I’m slacking off or that my job is meaningless. Or in other words, I don’t have to hate my job to make my effort worth something.

It’s really interesting typing out all the stuff I discussed in therapy today. I might start doing it every week, even if only as a reminder to myself to consider the things we talk about and think outside the box. What are your thoughts on the subject? Inquiring minds want to know.


4 comments on “Therapy Today

  • Yes I do agree with the conclusions you got too. The trip, the time with your partner, the weekend and the sickness all worked together to make you feel kind of lethargic. So when you tried to start work again at full speed it just wasn’t happening to you creatively. I think you could look at it like a car accelerating. You have it on idle for a while and all of the sudden want it to run at top speed. Bit it can’t happen straight away, you must allow time for acceleration. You must give yourself time to adjust with the change. But I personally still feel your sickness was the major cause of the lethargy you experienced. But must admit it is always to get info gear after a long break.

    Take care

  • But must admit it is always hard to get into top gear after a long break. Sorry sent from my mobile and it is hard to proof read before send is pressed.

  • We as a society want to use the “easy” button so often. Your job is not easy, you enjoy it. So it seems to be a little less than actual work that people who constantly complain about their work show you. Sometimes if we take a step back and really think about the things we do, we will see the actually amount of time or effort we put in. If it seems “easy” it isn’t, it is more that you are doing something you enjoy doing and are happy with your choices. So for it being “easy” be happy, because you are doing something right! No need to dwell or throw yourself around because you feel inadequate. You are perfect and you should be happy with who you are. Let’s face it…why do we work to begin with? Because it allows us, and gives us the resources to do what we truly want to do. Be happy.

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