Free Hugs

Published February 23, 2013 by Carmen Lamiarum

Warning: I’m drunk. But all of this is still true. Ignore typos, please. And try to understand.

I don’t think I’m destined to be with just one person for the rest of my life. You might find that funny for me to say, given that I’m married. But it’s true. I don’t think I could only be in love with just one person if I even tried. I’m in love (IN love) with so many different people, all for different reasons and to different degrees. And I express that love in different ways.

My spouse is my “primary”. My number one. Not to imply that I love him more than anyone else, because like I said, every kind of love that I have for people is completely different and incomparable. But what I mean to say is that I love him in a way that is demonstrated by marriage and family. I would never leave him or end our marriage for someone else. But in the same respect, he knows that I would never end my relationship with my female primary for him or anyone else. And while that relationship isn’t demonstrated with marriage or anniversaries or even flowers, it is just as important as my marriage is to me.

I have multiple secondaries. They don’t get to choose whether or not to be with me, because they don’t get to decide whether or not I love them. In my own mind, those people belong to me. And I keep them in my heart and love them in different ways. I have my gay, and we talk about everything. I have my military man, and we argue all the time (in a good way, I feel). I have my genius…a sexual relationship that so far hasn’t included any sex. And many others. I love them all passionately, but differently. I treat them all uniquely, because they’re unique. On a scale of 1-10, I love them all at a ten. But that love is different.

Is this making any sense?

In a perfect world, I would give them all my version of the ultimate demonstration of love. And with many of them I have the option to. Some of them I have. Some I haven’t…yet. And it’s probably not what you think. In a perfect world, they would all understand and be mine always. Some of them get it. Most of them do. A couple don’t, but that’s okay. I don’t want them to all be the same. They’re all perfect just the way they are.

You’re perfect. And I love you. Yes. You.

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One comment on “Free Hugs

  • Yes, you are making sense. The people who are lucky enough to be loved by you should feel happy that they do and I hope that they love you back.
    I don’t know if I could be brave enough to someday be able to express my feelings the way you do, so openly, but I am glad you are, as long as one person is open about what they feel and that loving someone else does not (always, in some cases it does) mean that you are loving someone else less, a poly amorous relationship can work, however in the current estate of society it can be a drag, with people who believe that their thoughts and ways are the correct ones (kind of like the WBC, but usually in a less extreme way). Someone once told me to fuck society, which is ok, but I would rather make love to than rape it.
    I wish it was so easy for me to say openly I LOVE YOU, without fearing losing your love in a later day, without fearing hurting you by my actions or lack of action, knowing that someday I may fall in love with someone else, but also knowing that my feelings for you are as strong as they have always been, and expecting that my new love understand.
    The human feelings are quite complicated to manage, but hey, it is part of us, right?
    So, yep, you are potentially perfect, and I want you to reach that potential to the fullest, and I LOVE YOU. There, said it, now, all I need is to open up a little without using an anonymous user.
    Always Faithful.

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